The Simple Desire for Companionship
by The Gong O Doom
Summary: Couple of 'missing scenes about the season 2 episode Leave No One Behind. It features Coach yelling! Matt screaming at Coach! Tami having a 'Matt Chat' Julie not being bratty which was a might rare thing in season 2!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note**: I wrote and posted a different sorta kinda version of this 'missing scene' about a year ago, and then took it down for reasons that...well, there were reasons, okay. A few days ago I read Chapter nine of **ICanStopAnytime**'s story _How Did I Get Here_ and wrote a one of my long boring comments/critiques and I started it out with this: 'I think that moment in the Saracen's bathroom, after Matt had let it all out, that was the moment Eric began to love Matt.' **ICanStop** messaged me saying that summed it up nicely. And then I started thinking about what happened when Eric got home because he would have talked about it with Tami. As usual only reviews consisting of fawning gushing love or livid searing hatred are acceptable.

* * *

"**In the end there is no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship."**

-Graham Greene

* * *

Eric pulled into the driveway and shut the engine off. As he walked to the front door he noticed Julie's light was on but his and Tami's room was dark. He walked inside and after checking on Gracie, knocked on Julie's door. "Come in."

"Hey Jules. Kinda late, isn't it?"

"I have a couple of quizzes and a test tomorrow. "Why is your shirt all wet? Are you all right?"

"You mind if I sit for a minute? Julie motioned to her bed and he sat on one corner facing her. "I, I'm tired but I'm okay."

"Why is your shirt wet? Did someone throw a water balloon at you?"

He smiled. "No, but I wish they did. You and Matt, what's up with that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I know you two aren't dating anymore, right?" Julie nodded. "But y'all do see each other in school or at the Alamo Freeze, and I mean, you have talked, haven't you?"

"We, we don't hang out. I do see him in the halls and we'll say 'Hi,' sometimes but I don't think we're gonna start going out again."

Eric held his hand up. "I didn't ask you that, but it also wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

"Dad, what is it? Does Matt have something to do with you getting wet?"

Eric rubbed his cheek. "You know that he's been acting out the past couple of weeks, mouthing off in class and getting drunk and such?"

"I heard a rally girl talking about it. I heard that he and Tim went over to the Landing Strip or something, they were definitely out somewhere drinking."

"Well he got drunk and his grandmother got hurt."

"Are they okay? What happened?"

"Like I said, Matt was drunk and was out and his grandmother fell and banged herself up. And I had to pick them up at the hospital."

"Was Matt hurt?"

"N—yes, he was. But not like you think. I—I said something and it was the wrong thing to say. I'm sorry I said it. Look, I'm gonna talk with your mom about this, but I think it'd be good for Matt if we had him and maybe his grandmother over for dinner a few times. Would that make you uncomfortable?"

"A little. I mean, I like Matt and I care about him, but, I don't know, it's like everything gets awkward if I'm around him. I went to see him at work a few weeks ago and apologized and said I hoped that we could still be friends, or go back to being friends and he said he'd like that, but I don't know how to do that."

Eric leaned over and put his hand on her knee. "Just go up and talk to him. I'm kidding. Actually I'm not, but it's hard when you care about someone and then you have a fight, the reconnecting is hard, especially at school with him being QB1, I know all the rally girls are fluttering around him and they talk, they talk too much. I don't know, maybe you and Matt and Lance can hang out together or something. I'm not meaning to push you on this, but he could use someone to hang out with that isn't on the football team. I'm not saying he is definitely going to be over for dinner, but he might be. I wanted to let you know and I wanted to know how you felt about it. I do value your opinion, even though I don't ask you enough." Eric got up and opened the door. "Don't study for much longer, okay Noodle?"

"Alright. Dad? Does Matt hate you now? Because of what you said?"

"I hurt him, and he got angry, he's probably still angry, he has a right to that, but I hope that will heal. I care about Matt like you do. Sleep well."

"You too."

Eric closed the door, walked into the kitchen and got a glass and the bottle of Jack Daniels he kept in a cabinet. He poured a shot and drank it down, wincing slightly as the burn hit his throat. He poured three fingers and put the bottle back in the cabinet, then went into his and Tami's room. He was moving around to his side of the bed when the light came on. Tami looked at the glass of bourbon in his hand and then at Eric. "Why is your shirt all wet?"

Eric put the glass on the table by his bed and sat down. "Because I had to pick up Matt Saracen and his grandmother from the hospital."

Tami put her hand to her mouth. "Are they all right?"

Eric sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "No. I mean, they aren't in danger of dying but-look let me get out of this wet stuff and we can talk."

* * *

Eric had changed to a t-shirt and sweat pants and he and Tami were sitting up in bed under the covers. "I got a call from a nurse at the hospital telling me that Matt Saracen and his grandmother were there, so I went over."

"Why did they call you? We aren't their emergency contact, are we?"

"I'm the head coach and he's my starting quarterback and everyone else in town shows up at our front door at all hours so at least they called." Eric sighed. "I talked to Julie when I got home. You said something the other day about Matt being mouthy to one of his teachers."

"He called her a bitch."

"What? No he did not."

"Yes he did. His art teacher asked him to critique someone's drawing and he kept saying no and getting more and more sullen and then he said something about he could tell the drawing was of a vase and there were flowers in it and then he said 'bitch,' kind of under his breath. She asked him what he said and he repeated his answer and then said 'bitch,' louder. And he's been skipping out. I heard he and Tim Riggins drove off in Tim's truck and they were over at the Landing Strip."

Eric winced. "Last thing I need is for him to get arrested over there again."

"Something's bothering him, he isn't like this."

"Yeah."

"That's it—yeah."

Eric sipped from his glass. "Like I said I got called by a nurse at the hospital. I guess Matt and Tim were over at the Landing Strip again tonight, and he left his grandmother alone and she fell and hit her head. She's a'ight, got some bruises and cuts, maybe a concussion, but no broken bones. He was drunk. Didn't they have a nurse or someone to watch her?"

"Carlotta. I can't remember her last name. She was a nurse. I—I heard that she and Matt were—" she looked at Eric.

"Aw c'mon. They were having sex? In his grandmother's house? While she was there?"

"What are you so offended by? You don't seem to have a problem with Tim Riggins having sex with half the women and teenage girls in Dillon or Smash having multiple girlfriends or Lyla and Jason Street having sex. And it's not like we didn't have sex when we were their age."

"We were older, well, least I was." Eric looked at Tami. "Sorry I didn't mean to say it that way. You and Mo were y'know fooling around for a year before I met, right? It's just, you know. I mean, honestly would you be thrilled if you knew Julie was having sex?"

"With who?"

Eric spluttered. "What? What do you mean with who? Why would it matter who she was having sex with?"

"You're right, it would also matter how old she was. Do I think she's too young to be having sex right now? Yes I do. Will I still feel that way in five years, probably not. But you'll still be upset because she's always gonna be your girl. And I understand that. I know why you were so hard on Matt when she started hanging out with him and they were on the phone at all hours, because you do know what teenage boys and football players think about. I heard some girls talking about Matt and one of them said that he was sleeping with the maid. I know they didn't have a maid, but they did have a nurse, so I think that's who he was sleeping with, if he's been sleeping with anyone."

"That would explain it."

"What?"

"I got them checked out and back to his house and I was getting his grandmother settled in bed and she said, _'I'm glad you came by, because I think Matthew needs your help.'_ I went into the kitchen and he was standing there and he got mouthy with me. "He was glaring at me and he said that he didn't need any '_Dad-Coach talks_' so I could just leave." Eric shook his head. "I—just snapped and I put hands on him."

"You didn't hit him. Tell me you did not hit Matt Saracen."

"No. I scruffed him and half dragged him into the bathroom and kinda threw him into the bathtub and turned the shower on him. Cold water. And I started yelling, '_Do you know how many people depend on you to make good decisions? Your grandmother, your friends, your teammates. You need to stop being so damn selfish._'" Eric ran his hand over his eyes and down his face. "That last thing, about him being selfish, that was wrong. I mean it's true but it isn't. I know he and Smash have been butting heads this season, but he might be the least selfish player on the team. He's sprawled out there in the tub with the cold water coming down on him, he looked like a wet rat, and he started screaming at me. He actually told me to shut up. You believe that. I've never had a kid say that to me. Never had a player say that to me. Julie's thought it a hundred times, but she's never said it. He screamed _Shut up! Shut up! You left me and Dillon for a better job! Julie left me for a better guy!'"_

Tami snorted. "He has _**no**_ idea how wrong he is about **that**."

"'_Carlotta left me for Guatemala! My dad left me for a damn war! Everybody leaves me!'_ Then he calmed down and said, '_What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?'_ That second time he started crying." Eric took a sip of bourbon and rolled it around his mouth. "Everything drained out of me when he said that. Lying in that tub soaking wet, not moving. Like he'd given up. And that's not Matt Saracen. He doesn't give up. I looked at him for a few seconds and said, '_There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. You are loved. People do care about you. Julie cares about you. My wife cares about you. I care about you.'_ I reached in and turned the water off and got a couple of towels, but he was still crying so I sat on the seat and waited. He stood up after a couple of minutes and I started to hand him a towel but he said he'd take his wet clothes off in the tub, so I went into the kitchen. He came out wrapped in a towel with his clothes and put 'em in the dryer. I—I wanted to say that I was sorry, but I couldn't, so I asked him if he was okay. He said he was. I told him if he wanted I'd stay there that night, but he told me he'd be okay." Eric sighed and ran his hand through his hair and over his face then looked over at Tami. Her eyes were twinkling and Eric could see where a tear had rolled down her cheek. "What?"

"You love him. You love Matt, like you love Julie."

"What are you talkin' about?"

'Like I said at the banquet before State last year, how proud you are of them, how you care about your players, how you love your boys. But there's something about Matt. You weren't angry with him because he got drunk. You aren't angry about Tim Riggins being drunk."

"Well, I'm not happy about it either."

"Okay, it upsets you, but it doesn't get you angry. You were angry with Matt because he wasn't being responsible. You've said pretty much the same thing to Julie, except you weren't yelling, you were growling. He disappointed you."

The room was quiet for a while. "I guess I do love Matt in a different way than my other players. It was disappointing. I said to Julie that I thought we might invite Matt and his grandmother over for dinner a few times and how she'd feel about that."

"You mean you actually asked her opinion rather than making a '**Coach Taylor Pronouncement?'** Good for you." Tami leaned over and kissed Eric on the cheek. "What did she say?"

"She wasn't sure. I didn't want to push her 'cause it's obvious it's awkward between them right now, but I think it'd help bring him back. Plus I could use some of his grandmother's love for me. What do you think?"

Tami frowned slightly. "It's not a bad idea. I do think Julie would like to be friends with Matt and this could be a road for that. Remind me about it tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm gonna have to see him because of what he said to his art teacher, and no I can't let that slide. He's gonna have at least one detention session for that. But it sounds like there might be some mitigating circumstances. I guess I'm gonna have a 'Matt chat.'"


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock on Tami's office door. "C'mon in." The door opened and Matt Saracen's head appeared. "Hey, Matt, give me a minute and then we'll get going." Tami made a few notes on a pad of paper and put the pad in one of her desk drawers. She stood up and reached for her purse. "C'mon."

"Wha- where are we going?" Matt looked confused.

"I thought we'd go on a little field trip."

"I can't, I mean this isn't excused, I don't have a note or anything."

"I know that, but being a guidance counselor gives me a little pull on some things." Tami started walking down the hall and Matt scrambled to keep up. They walked out the front door and over to Eric's Explorer. Tami started it up and the radio came on.

"-_mmy, you can't be serious. No way Dillon wins without Smash."_

"_Why's that?"_

"_He's the best player on the team, best high school running back in Texas. Hell, I don't why Coach Taylor hasn't benched Saracen and put Smash at QB."_

"_Oh no, don't try and start a quarterback controversy again. Seems like we go through this the entire off season and every other hour during the season. Matt Saracen took Dillon to and won State last year. And all anyone expected him to do was sit on the bench and maybe get in the very last series after the game was sewn up."_

"_That's what I'm saying, he's a backup, he isn't QB1 material."_

"_Uh huh. Well tell us, just what kind of material makes up a QB1."_

"_You got to have command of your team; you have to have the respect of your team. You have to win. You have to be able to throw that ball all the way down the field and hit a receiver in the eye."_

"_Okay. And you don't think Saracen has any of those qualities. Was there someone else who looked just like Matt Saracen playing QB and winning the State game at Texas Stadium last year?"_

"_He got lucky. He had Jason Street and Coach Taylor coaching him on the sidelines and Tim Riggins and Smash Williams to give the ball to and he still nearly cost us the game."_

"_Whoa now. Yeah, he did throw that early interception, but as I understand it he was the one who came up the last play of the game, drew it up right there on the sideline."_

"_Well, would you agree that he doesn't have the respect of his team? I mean he got into a fight with Smash after a game and those two have been squabbling on the sidelines the whole season, I me—"_

Tami hit the power button and the sound cut off. She glanced over at Matt who was chewing his thumbnail. "Sorry about that. I don't know why Eric listens to that all day, just nonstop criticism and people sayin' he should be fired." Matt grunted. "I thought we'd get some lunch at the Alamo Freeze and then talk."

"Are we gonna eat there?"

"Would you rather go somewhere else?"

"No that's fine, but are we gonna eat there?"

Tami looked over at Matt. "Oh. I hadn't thought of that. How about I go in and get it to go."

"I'll pay for it." Matt reached for his wallet.

"How about we split it?"

"Okay."

Tami pulled into a parking place facing away from the windows. "What would you like?"

"Two double cheeseburgers with ketchup and lettuce, a large fires and a large chocolate shake please."

"I'll be back in a minute."

Tami pulled the Explorer into a parking spot at the lake and unbuckled her seat belt. "Do you want to eat in the car or at a table?"

"I hate picnic tables. It's like they got together and said, '_Hey let's build the most uncomfortable thing possible for sitting and having a meal at.'_ The new metal ones are worse than the wood ones; they're either freezing cold or burning hot."

"So that means we'll eat in the car."

The next few minutes Tami and Matt busied themselves eating and drinking, then Tami wiped her mouth with a napkin. "You know that you don't have to play football."

"What?"

"Well, Matt, your actions the past few weeks, you don't seem to be enjoying football or much of anything else. You don't have to play football."

"Everybody will hate me if I don't."

Tami flicked her thumb at the radio. "Those people? They're never gonna meet you. And they get on Coach Taylor more than anyone. And do you really think the people who care about you are going to hate you? They will probably be disappointed and confused, but they aren't going to hate you. Do you like to play?"

Matt stared out the windshield for a few seconds. "The last play of State when I saw Smash carry those three guys into the end zone and then Coach Taylor hugged me and told me how proud he was, that's the best moment of my life. But, what, what does it say if that really does turn out to be the best day of my life?"

"Do you really think that's gonna be the best day or moment of your life? You have everything ahead of you, the choices you have, the options, are close to endless. Sounds to me like you just don't know what you want to do with your life, or even what your major will be in college. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. That makes you like ninety five percent of the high school students. I remember at the end of junior high eighth grade, when we were signing up for classes for ninth grade, they wouldn't let us register unless we wrote down and signed what we our major was going to be in college." Tami shook her head.

"What was your major?"

"My actual major was social science and I minored in psychology. As for what I wrote in eighth grade, I had no idea. And said so, and refused to write something down. It was just me in a room by myself the whole day with that piece of paper and a pen."

"Why didn't you write something, anything?"

"Because I was stubborn. And because I was scared. Scared if I did write something down, that I was locked into that for a major, that I couldn't change my mind. Then I got to college and found out that you could get a degree without having a major, you could get a degree in independent studies. I know you like art a lot, and that's good, but you get to college and maybe the best thing is that you can sample a bunch of different things, different classes and see how they look on you. There are some people who know what they want to be in ninth grade. Most of them want to be lawyers or doctors. And that's great. I was friends with a boy who got involved with a play in eighth grade and I swear you could see the light go on. He joined the drama club in ninth grade and was President of drama club and thespians the next three years. Now he's President of Entertainment for the Disney parks. Pretty much the whole world is open to you."

"I like football. I like playing it. I guess maybe I love it a little, but not like Smash does. Or Jason did. I-I don't know I never thought I'd be the starting quarterback for Dillon when I was in tenth grade. I thought it'd be like they said on the radio, I'd sit on the bench behind Jason, maybe get in for a few minutes at the end of games and then compete to start my junior year."

"Have you thought about playing in college?"

"I'm not good enough to play at Alabama or USC or Miami or Florida State o—"

"Don't say that."

"No, it's true. No matter if I got a private coach and Coach Taylor worked with me for an hour after practice and four hours every day after the season was over and during the summer, I'd never do more than warm the bench at a division one school. I might start at a division two or three, but the schools I'm thinking about for college most of them don't have football teams. "

"What schools have you been thinking about?"

"Places that have a good art program? Painting, drawing. Savanah College of Art and Design, Carnegie Mellon, Julliard. A couple of others."

"Have you talked about this with your grandmother? I mean, those are clear across the country, we're talking at least two days driving."

"No, she kind of waves her hand and says it's all foolishness."

"It isn't."

"I know, it's just, I mean I can't see putting her in a retirement home, she'd hate that, but there's no way she can live in that house by herself either, I thought Carlotta being there would let Grandma stay in the house if I went away. 'Cept it was Carlotta who left instead of me." Matt swallowed hard and stared out the passenger side window.

Tami put her hand on Matts shoulder. "It hurts when someone leaves. In some ways it's worse if they're still alive rather than if they're dead, 'cause they're out there living their life and for whatever reason you can't be a part of it. Life isn't fair for everybody. Not everybody gets what they want. Jason Street wanted to play quarterback in the NFL. He and Lyla were gonna get married; she was probably gonna be a cheerleader on whatever team he played for. Now she's off holding hands with Jesus and he's kind of at loose ends. Coach Taylor and I have talked about you a few times, about what you've been doing. Not just these past few weeks, but a few times over the last year. You have had to grow up so fast. Your mom and dad arguing and catting at each other a lot until, they both left. Not your mom left and took you or your dad left and took you, but they both left and you were with your grandmother." Tami shook her head. "I don't understand that. I've tried to understand it. I can see why your dad wouldn't take you, he went back into the army and it would have been a real hassle redeploying to a new base and a new town and new school every year for you, worse if he'd taken you and then got deployed to Iraq, that I don't want to think about. But why your mom wouldn't take you with her-I won't say it's unforgivable, but it's close. And it's okay for you to be angry about it. There's nothing wrong with that. You can even say that you hate your parents and part of you does, but part of you is always going to love them. And your mom and dad do love you and care about you, even though they left. But you've had to keep up your grandmothers house and you've been working, having a job since you were—"

"Eight. I was mowing ten peoples lawns just about every week, not including my Grandma's."

"And you've always had a job of some kind since then." Matt nodded. "Right now you're working nearly thirty hours a week at the Alamo Freeze, and you're QB 1 at Dillon High School, which means you've got practice and related stuff at least four days a week, and classes and unlike some people you actually do your work and study and I'm guessing you do a lot of the shopping and helping out your Grandmother and you try and have a social life.

Tami sighed. "That is a lot for an adult to have on their plate and frankly I think it's too much for a teenager. I think you tend to keep things inside you, angry feelings and such. Rather than getting mad you push it down and after it while it goes quiet, but then something else comes along, like 'The Swede' or Eric leaving for Austin and you want to say something, yell something, but you don't. Because you're a gentleman. You were raised and taught manners and respect and that sad to say is not a common thing anymore. But that new thing burns for a while and then it gets mixed with the old stuff and it builds up. If you played defense instead of quarterback you could maybe get some of that anger out hitting the players on offense."

"Coach did teach me how to tackle, after you know, what happened with Jason, except I end up getting blocked by someone."

"Well, I think Eric would rather you get blocked and maybe even kind of get out of the way rather than hit someone and hurt your throwing arm or shoulder. That's what happened to Voodoo a few weeks ago."

"Really?"

"Yup, he threw an interception and tried to tackle the safety, broke his collarbone separated his shoulder, got a concussion and the safety scored. He's out for the rest of the season and probably the playoffs as well."

"Good."

"Eric told me what happened last night at your grandmother's house. Did you know that your grandmother was worried about you? She said she thought you needed Eric's help. Now I don't think that meant you ending up in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running over you, but something needed to be done. I want you to know a couple of things. Julie doesn't know what happened last night. She'd heard some rally girls talking about you being drunk, but that's it. And I promise you she's not going to hear about last night from me or Eric. The only way she's going to know is if you tell her, okay?" Matt nodded. "What he said last night about people caring about you and loving you, like your grandmother and Julie and Eric is true. And me as well. I care about you. He cares about you like he does the rest of the players but with you it's-I guess deeper is the best way to put it. You know he has different expectations for different players, I mean he wants all y'all to become good respectful men, but-"

"He lets Riggins slide on being hung over and Smash on running his mouth all the damn time."

"I wouldn't say he lets them slide, he did kick Tim off the team for real earlier this year, right? And he has talked with Smash about not talking about himself in the third person all the time. I know you and Smash got into it earlier this year and that's a piece of the stuff inside you, but you went and got him from that awful college visit he had, right? Even brought him some clothes and food. Football is really the only thing Tim Riggins has, it's the only reason he's in school. As for awful things, I can understand why you said what you did to your art teacher, but you know you can't do that. You can't call a teacher a bitch."

Matt shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't apologize in front of everyone. I'm not like that, I'm sorry."

Tami nodded. "Like I said I understand, but you have to apologize to your teacher. It doesn't have to be in front of the whole school or the class but you will apologize to her. And you're going to have two detentions. Normally it would be a weeks' worth and I'd have a conference with you and your parents, but I think your grandmother doesn't need to know about this."

"Okay, when do you want me to apologize and when do I do the detention?"

"Well, you can do the apology tomorrow morning before school starts; can you get here a little early?"

"Yeah, I can ask Landry for a ride."

"Okay. As for detention, I'm pretty sure you can't do it during practice or Buddy Garrity will have another thing to pester Eric about, but you probably work after practice, right?"

"Not every night, I try to get most of my hours on the weekend."

"Still, you need the money." Tami drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "Okay you bring me your schedule and we'll see what we can work out."

"All right. Thanks Mrs. Co—I mean Mrs. Taylor. You don't like being called Mrs. Coach do you?"

Tami smiled because that was what Eric occasionally called her during their foolin' around times, especially when they were both moving together. "That's okay, whatever is comfortable for you. Two more things.

"How are you and Julie? I know you two broke up, which was sad, but those things happen, are you civil?"

"I guess. I mean," Matt glanced at Tami then out the window.

"Matt." He turned and looked at Tami. "This is between you and me. It doesn't go any further than this car. Like I said earlier Julie cares about you. I know that it's hard going to school or being around town and seeing your ex boy or girlfriend, even more so in Dillon when you're QB1."

"Well, she came into work a while ago and apologized and said she'd like to be friends and I guess I said yes. I mean, I nodded, but I—"

"You accepted her apology but you didn't spend twenty minutes talking to her."

"No. It's hard."

"Yes they are. Relationships are hard, especially for someone like you juggling so many things."

"I—I would like to friends with Julie, but I don't know how. I've never seen a book on it anywhere."

"If there was one it'd sell a billion copies. Maybe just chat with her in the hall. The reason I asked is that Eric and I talked about it and we thought it might be good for you and your grandmother if you came over to our house for dinner a few times in the next little while." Matt frowned. "Eric asked Julie how she'd feel about that and she understandably said she thought she'd be a little uncomfortable, but she didn't out right refuse it, because like I said, she does like you and care about you. Fair to say that it'd be a little uncomfortable for you as well?"

"Yes ma'am. If Grandma is there it might be less, she loves Coach, she'd probably monopolize the conversation the whole time."

Tami laughed. "She does dote on him. I wish more people were like her. So, would you be okay bringing your grandmother over to have dinner with us?"

Matt chewed on his thumbnail for a minute as he thought. "Yes, just let me know what we can bring over, and we have to bring something, Grandma will insist on it. Mrs. Taylor?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for, you know."

"You're welcome."

THE END


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